Wednesday, October 22, 2014

My 10 Day Cleanse Day-by-Day

So one of the things I decided to do during my Transformation was to make a small video clip at the end of each day just describing it's events. My feelings, my emotions & my struggles so I could go back and reflect on how it was for me AND in case anyone else was curious about what it was like day to day, they could also see.

After each video I watched it back and a couple of times I found myself getting drawn into what I was saying and tears would form.  As I watched each clip I saw a woman that was foreign to me.  For a few years now every time I saw a picture of myself, most times I would delete it or just be the photographer cause, well, I hated the way I looked. So seeing myself talk back to me was more than I was ready for.  I saw my expressions and gestures (that my husband says I can't speak without) that I use on a daily basis but what was really difficult is I saw a woman who was of NO reflection of how I felt deep down inside.  So as I would watch & listen to myself speak it was like listening to someone else whom I could relate to and in the end, when she said "You can do this too" it was ME telling MYSELF that I CAN DO THIS.  

I'm so proud of myself for stepping out of the box and recording each day. I am not an elegant speaker and clearly I am not a "movie ready" kind of gal but who cares. It's just me.  It's just the most honest way this 41 year old woman could emotionally convey what I experienced each day and if just 1 person is able to benefit and find their inner strength to get healthy, then it was all worth it REGARDLESS of how unflattering the video is.  So please be kind, I'm not trying to win any Emmys here, just an honest & raw video of my 10 Day Transformation Cleanse.

Monday, October 20, 2014


So I did it! I completed my 10 Day Cleanse and I feel amazing!  I haven't felt this good physically in a long time, all those things I listed at the 5 day mark are still hanging on and even better. (I am actually writing this 4 days post cleanse)  I have been eating clean since I finished and still loosing weight.

This transformation was the healthiest thing I have ever done for my body and the benefits are overwhelming. I feel awesome and will continue down this path from now on.

Ok, ok, I know, you are waiting to here the final results right?

Total lbs lost in 10 days:  15.2
Total inches lost in 10 days:  8

Can you believe that? I can't. It took me almost 2 months last year to reach those numbers and I did not feel as healthy & vibrant as I do now.  There is really something to this.  So now here are some of my before & after pics where you can see the differences:

Look how my face thinned & my cheeks "de-puffed" (is that a word) you can now see my ears, bring on the earrings!  Haha

Here is my favorite, I lost a lot in my neck (double chin) and my profile is leaner. Plus look how my skinned cleared up, really happy about that perk. This one made me smile, I though "now there's Donna, where has she been hiding". 

Bye, bye tummy, now it doesn't stick out further than my chest and my back smoothed way down too. The majority of my inches lost were from the waist up, and speaking of waist.........

While I'm not thrilled about showing off this shot (sport bra people) it really shows how my waist went down (you can see the wall through my arms) and look at my shoulders to my neck, more definition.

I realize that I am a large woman, so 15 lbs will not be as dramatic on me as someone who is a size 10 or 14 BUT HEY...I think it looks pretty darn good and my clothes fit so much better and also I FEEL better and isn't that what it's really all about?? 

I will be starting another 10 day cleanse on November 1st......Who's with me?  Don't you want to feel better? Don't you want to look better?  What have I been saying all along.....
"If you take care of the inside the outside will follow"
and that is what I am doing. 100% Vegan, 100% Organic, No GMOs, nothing but good for you.  So please, if you want to feel better on the inside and feel better about what you are doing for your body then comment below, send me a message, email me and tell me you want to join me on Nov. 1 and TOGETHER we can support each other and loose another 5-20 lbs.  A dear friend got me started & gave me a $50 gift card off my first purchase and I want to pass that along to you, so join me in November (even if you can make the 1st) cause I will be traveling this path for well.........forever!


Wednesday, October 15, 2014

5 Days down and 5 TO GO......

So I promised to keep you updated along the way and I am HAPPY to report that I am seeing positive changes in my health with this cleanse.  Here are some of the wonderful changes I have noticed:

  • Cravings have subsided
  • my dizzy spells have stopped 98%
  • my mental clarity is better & my overall well-being feels great
  • my back hurts less as the inflammation in my body has reduced
  • I have natural energy, no sluggish all the time
  • I look forward to healthy foods
  • my skin is clearing up
  • I have slept like a baby EVERY night
  • oh and did I mention my cravings have practically stopped!!!
Don't get me wrong, when one of those pizza or restaurant commercials come on I think "Boy, that looks so yummy" but then my mind immediately goes, do I want to put that in my body???"   And that my friends is so empowering.

Ok, so here is what you really want to know, did cleaning out my system and nourishing is so well for 5 days have any result on my weight?................YES  IT  DID !  See for yourself:

Here is my weight beginning on Day 1

Now here it is on the morning of Day 6 
(just 5 short days later) 

Do I need to do the the math for you.. 11.2 lbs in 5 days.
Let me say that again. 11.2 lbs in 5 days  and I feel amazing. I am so proud of myself, not only do I feel good on the inside but mentally I feel so much better and what have I been saying, "when you take care of the inside the outside will follow".

So if you want to no miss out in a few days when I post my before & after pic including the amount of weight and inches I have lost, please sign up for my updates or save my page. And if you would like to know more about what I am doing contact me as well. I am not done, I will be doing this for a while and we can do it together. I am hoping I can help others who struggle just like me to overcome these feelings & cravings to take back control of their life and their health 1 day at a time!

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Day 1 of 10 to Cleanse

So my new journey has begun but this time it is TOTALLY different than any other time. This time I am going about it in such a healthy way. A CLEAN way. A way that will leave me healthier than I have ever been in my life.

Here I am, so excited to have all my supplies and ready to start!

I'm starting my process this time with a cleanse.  I'm giving back to myself by taking 10 days to clean out all the sugar, fat, processed foods, GMOs and more out of my system.  This will help me BREAK the addiction roller coaster.  Now it doesn't mean I will be "all better" from my food addiction BUT it will help to break the craving cycle that only complicates my addiction.  

I'll keep you updated with my progress, I have some great before photos that will go up with my after photos 10 days from now.  In the meantime I will check in at the half way point to let you know how I'm feeling.

There is no going back, it's time to take my health back and feed my cells the way they deserve to be treated. I'm gonna take care of ME from the inside and the outside will follow!

Now don't worry, don't think that it's only going to take 10 days to heal the inside, THIS is only the beginning, I already have a plan in place after the 10 days are up, nutrition & clean eating are my game plan, but these first 10 days will be my "Starting Line" so to speak for a whole new race!

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

It's time for something new ............. Getting Clean

     So often when you hear this term you may think of an addict overcoming their addiction, drugs or alcohol are the first that may come to mind but you usually don't think of someone extremely overweight.  Since last year when I started this blog I learned a lot about "Eating Clean" but not from drugs or alcohol...from food.

     What do I mean, "Eating Clean".  I have been on all the diets, you name it I've given it a try and 1 of my most successful times (5 yrs ago) I supplemented my diet with protein shakes & bars.  But as you can see here I am back in the same predicament.  Now when I think of doing that again I have this conflict in my head. What is causing this conflict??? The knowledge I have acquired about Clean Eating is butting heads with using processed foods to get healthy.

     I really am at a point now that I want to be healthy. I want to FEEL GOOD!  I am tired of the aches and pains that come from the weight.  Thinking about another 'diet' and focusing on my size & the number on the scale stresses me out. 

     Now when I think about eating healthy, cleaning out my body, feeding my cells, feeding my body, suddenly I feel positive. I feel excited about taking care of me.   Who cares what the scale says, if I know my body is being cared for from the inside that seems to relieve the stress of worrying what I look like on the outside.  (but guess what, when you take care of the inside, the outside follows)  

So what do I do, I need to be informed. I need to educate myself.
I need to make a commitment to MYSELF to take care of ME!

I'm on a path to something better for ME & I can't wait to see how much better I feel. No more 'almosts' or 'do-overs', my health is on the line.  Being able to WALK is on the line and I'm not ready at 41 yrs old to give up!

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

THE STRUGGLE......why do I eat... (because I hate food) ???

     This past week I had a conversation with someone about my food addiction. I find it a little easier to talk about now and I believe that this last year and writing this blog has really helped.  So whether this is read by others or not, expressing myself here has allowed me to analyze and really think about what I'm doing.

     So back to what I asked, "Why do I eat?"  Most people eat because they are hungry and they want to fuel their bodies. That is part of it, I mean I do get hungry but I have never ate to fuel my body.  Think about those words for a minute, "FUEL   YOUR  BODY"  Oh, you mean there is a purpose for eating?????  Imagine that!  As I have talked about before, I grew up with little to no nutrition advice, our family ate what we could afford, fruits & vegetables were only when we visited certain relatives or friends, ask any of my family, I grew up on macaroni & cheese with fish sticks (and not the name brand OH NO!)  I remember as a kid wanting the Kraft brand cause their noodles were curved and we always got the generic AND our fish sticks were FLAT, not round like the Gorton's brand.  LOL  The things we recall huh?

     I even remember my father at the end of the table, his 4 daughters (under 10 yrs old) around the table and him not eating, why? He was waiting to make sure we all got enough to eat before he would eat. So when dinner was there, you ate all that you were given till you were full. Going to grandma's house was a treat 'cause she always had 'the good food'.  I won't go into all the yummies that grandma had, but you all know how it is. Mine always had name brand foods and THAT was great!  So many of my childhood memories were about food.  Those things shape us and we don't even know it at the time.

     Jump just 31 years in the future to today (yes that gives away my age for those of you who want to do the math) and I struggle EVERY DAY with food.


......and yet I LOVE it at the same time.  A LOVE / HATE relationship with anything can be deadly and I feel that is where I am. I am at a point that if I don't mend my relationship with food soon, it could lead to death, or a version of life that is so unpleasant that I don't want to live.

     So....WHY do I eat?  I eat for every other reason EXCEPT for being hungry.  Those of you who don't struggle with any sort of eating issue are like "Huh...what do you mean eating doesn't have to do with hunger....of course it does."  Well guess what......there are many of us out here that struggle every day with food and WISH we didn't!
So then, what are my reasons for eating, I made a list..... (in no particular order)

  • Angry
  • Sad
  • Worried
  • Frustrated
  • Lonely
  • Bored
  • Happy
  • Excited
  • Depressed
  • Disappointed
  • Trapped
  • Let Down
  • Celebratory
  • Pissed Off! (sorry to use that word but it happens)
  • Anxiety
  • Feeling left out
  • Unimportant
  • Useless
     Get the picture, just about every feeling I can have takes me to food. Now yes, Happy is in there, and why is that? Well even when I am getting together with friends or doing something fun, it revolves around food. Whether we cook or go out to eat I feel that way. So yeah, just about any emotion you can think leads to food, NEVER hunger.  Oh sure, if I get hungry I eat but that doesn't happen much cause I have already eaten for all the other reasons so I don't let myself get hungry.  And something else I have learned in this last year, I fear getting hungry. HUH?  I don't know but when it comes time for a meal whether at home or out somewhere else, there is a little worry wort in my head that is concerned if I will get 'enough' to eat.

That is the FIRST time I have EVER admitted that out loud.  But it's true.  I wish I knew why or where that started cause I have never gone hungry but I worry about not being 'full".  People talk about eating til their satisfied but for me, I can't judge that feeling, full is when you can't eat any more and THAT my friends is another part of my problem, portion control. But that is for another day. Now you know why I eat, I am so ashamed this is the case and I am so embarrassed right now for admitting all this BUT it's the truth.  I have to believe I am not alone in this but if I am, now you know a little more about me and my struggle.  

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Back at it again.

     I can't believe it has almost been a year since my last post.  So much has happened (and not happened).  One thing that definitely has NOT happened is any success in my weight loss. My struggles continue.  My food addiction continues, I just can't seem to beat it.  I have tried SO MANY times in the last year to "get back on tract" and a couple of times have started well but always end up the same, falling off the wagon and eating whatever I can get my hands on.  (I actually would have brain surgery if it would stop me from thinking about food all the time)  I know my family is disappointed in me though they never say it, but I can tell. I just pretend like I can't.  It's the elephant in the room.  I think if I had never lost the weight before maybe it wouldn't be so awkward but I have and now that it is back and my try/fail record is stacking up, well, it's the subject that everyone wants cleared up but no one wants to address.  I am sure they don't want to hurt my feelings and I am so ashamed and embarrassed that I can't bear to discuss it, so I pretend it doesn't exist on the outside while I am dying on the inside.

     So what is new with me right now?  Well I am trying again.  Giving it another go. I think the fact that I keep trying shows there is something inside of me that is not ready to give up although a few times over this past year in my mind I have been like, "be happy with yourself" or "just learn to love who you are and how you look" but it's just words, that couldn't be farther from the truth.  I am SO unhappy with myself right now that it's absolutely pitiful. I think if I heard anyone else say out loud the things that I am saying in my head I would think that person was utterly hopeless and yet, that is how I feel sometimes.

     There is one thing I have come to learn about myself, when I can not control my "diet" and am throwing all caution to the wind, for the moment there is a huge weight off my shoulders BUT I start becoming very negative in other areas of my life, taking care of my home, being a mom, a friend, a wife.  I beat myself up and it starts to show in my productivity.
     Now on the other hand when I am taking control and being successful at it, it's like a new life in my steps.  I hold my head up, I am more positive about what I am doing, if I fall short, "No Biggie" it's just an error, I fix it and move on instead of dwell on it and hold it against myself.  I am my worst critic, I can overlook the largest of mistakes or flaws in others but highlight and emphasize the tiniest of my own.  I think I really hate what I have become, or allowed myself to become, so much as I don't feel I am worth of even the simplest reward.  I don't want my husband to do something nice for me because what I am doing nothing to deserve it.  Sure I make the family dinner each day, keep the house clean, teach my youngest home school, make sure the family's schedule runs smoothly and much more......but SO WHAT!  I might have just been able to tell you all those GOOD things I do but none of them matter because I can't loose this disgusting weight and I physically feel pain from it!

     Which leads me to my newest issue, pain.  The pain in my feet is coming back.  It used to be so bad I could barely walk and when I lost 100+ lbs back in 2009 it practically went away. That's right, gone!  Well it's taken about 5 yrs but it's back.  It's started in the last month or so. But not just my feet now, also my knees & lower back.  First thing in the morning or during the night I have to grab onto the bed & dresser just to make it to the bathroom.  During the day at times when I go from room to room I have to lean over and the limp/hobble dance that has become my 'new move" must make me look like a real weirdo.  Not to mention when I power through it when I do try to exercise.  Yes there  have been a few times when I get up and go to the local walking track, I turn on the tunes and in about an hour or so I am able to complete 3 miles.  I power through it but later that day I pay for it so badly.  I don't know how much longer my feet will
hold out.
Earlier this year in the spring (during one of my 'trys') I registered for and completed my first 5K.  It was tough, I did it in just under 1 hr and I wasn't the last person across the finish line. Yeah for me right?  I was so proud, was gonna frame my #badge (is that what they call the number you wear on your chest?) with a pic of me crossing the finish line and my time. It was going to be my motivation. But something (not sure what) derailed me shortly after...and.....with my hands in the air, (like this picture shows), I gave up.  Where is my #badge I was so proud of now......I really don't know.  I would be too ashamed to look at it anyway.

     I have been watching Extreme Weigh Loss w/ Chris Powell this season, well sort of watching. It's hard to watch.  I am mixed up with so many emotions when I do. I cry through all of them. I think, "if someone like that (Chris) believed in me enough to devote all that time into helping me figure out why I struggle like I do, maybe it would help me believe me!  I get angry when I watch because I wasn't chosen, I've mentioned in my posts in the past about how I came so close.
     CAN YOU BELIEVE they called me AGAIN this year and had the nerve to say that they saw something special in me from my previous submissions and really wanted me to come and apply for this year?????  In my mind I was thinking, if I was so special why did you not pick me LAST YEAR and at the same time there was a glimmer of hope that maybe this was my year.  Of course I told the producer that I was so crushed from not being chosen and that it sent me into such a depression that I could not take that kind of rejection again.  So that was that.